The Beginning of Christmas

Christmas is upon us, even though it is only the 30th of November. I see decorations everywhere and the 24-hour Christmas music radio station has already begun to broadcast. I think I may have begun to unlike Christmas somewhere along the way. I hate that the stores prey on a person's need to have their house decorated in the latest holiday fashion and set up displays of toys, household goods and As-Seen-On-TV items in such a way that consumers feel they just have to have them.

I want to take Christmas back. I want to take it back from Overstock.com and Amazon and Wal-Mart. I want to peel it away from Kohl's and Macy's and even Hallmark. I want Christmas to be about Christmas. I want to read A Christmas Carol with my family, make paper garlands, bake gingerbread men and recount the story of Christ's birth — all without feeling as though there aren't enough presents under my $65 tree and there aren't enough lights covering the front of my house to see it from space.

So this is my plan. I am going to love Christmas again. My kids and I are going to make homemade ornaments that shed glitter and leave my fingers burnt from hot glue. We are going to string popcorn and cranberries. We will be satisfied with the presents under our tree and happy to have a family to celebrate with. We will bake mountains of cookies and take them to our neighbors while we sing Christmas carols completely off-key until they offer us hot chocolate just to shut us up. We will take a drive to admire the effort everyone else has put into their bazillion house lights and we will sit together in the evenings and read Dickens — biting our lips when Ebenezer Scrooge gets his visit from the Ghost of Christmas Past.

I am breaking out the ridiculous holiday pins and the red and green hair ribbons and I am taking back Christmas for my family. I hope you do as well.

The Charming Toilets of NYC

Everybody poops. This is what Procter and Gamble is counting on this holiday season as they host the third annual Charmin public toilets in New York City’s Times Square. The 20 indoor toilets are set up for tourists and the NYC public to use while they are shopping and otherwise walking across Broadway, from Nov. 24 to New Year’s Eve.

To begin the event, they hired ultra-famous Joey Fatone, of former Backstreet Boys fame, to execute the first flush. He was named King of the Throne.

P&G is adding a new twist to this year’s potty break. They held open auditions for bathroom ambassadors this month, and will choose five individuals to be paid $10,000 for six weeks of greeting toilet-users. These employees are in addition to the more than 100 that will be employed as attendants to clean the bathrooms after each use.

The ambassadors’ job will be to interact with bathroom users and ask them about their Charmin experience, posting short observations on Facebook and Twitter as well as other blogging sites. They will also take “family friendly” photos that will be available for download on their Web site.

When I say interact, I mean strictly on the outside of the bathrooms, otherwise it would be weird. Surely these “interactions” have to be a little awkward though, and it makes you wonder what Charmin is trying to accomplish.

Will a tourist to the Big Apple discuss his or her bathroom habits with a perfect stranger — for example, how many squares they use, which Charmin product they prefer, front to back or back to front? Is this simply a marketing tool by P&G, or do they have a whole boardroom full of voyeurs?

While public restrooms are just that, public, using the toilet is kind of a private experience, at least for most people. I find it hard to believe that P&G will get any useful polling information from this venture.

The Charmin Web site announces on their front page the bathrooms will be open on New Year’s Eve after the ball drops until 2 a.m. These toilets are going to see some major traffic, and a lot more than just bladder-heavy tourists. Drunk, hung-over and otherwise incapacitated partygoers surely will frequent them as well.

Clean and comfortable public toilets are not words you hear together very often. If Charmin has pulled this off in past years, surely they can do it again, I’m just not sure toilet ambassadors will be a welcome or even helpful addition. It’s not everyday you walk out of a bathroom and get bombarded with questions about your experience, not to mention get your photo taken just as you finish emptying your bladder or having a bowel movement.

Here's a link to Charmin's Web site for more information:

Charmin

My latest column with a cartoon by Jon

Letting the cat out of the bag

Sit in a room full of 6-year-olds after they have been quiet and still for a few hours and what you’ll get is conversation. Straight forward, say just what you think conversation. Kids are honest, even when they shouldn’t be. They haven’t yet learned subtlety or tact and unlike adults they don’t know about locution.

People don’t always say what they mean, or what they mean isn’t always what they say. This is why there are idioms, so people can say what they really want to say without really saying what they want to say. Okay, let’s not mince words here. Idioms are a hard nut to crack and can drive a person crazy. At this point you may have raised an eyebrow because idioms are not your cup of tea, but people use them every day. In fact, I have already used five.

An idiom is a commonly used phrase or expression that when taken literally, or word-by-word, has little or no meaning. For example, ‘quitting cold turkey’ does not mean your Aunt Wanda does not want leftovers from Thanksgiving, but that she is suddenly stopping a habit of some sort. If a person is ‘hot under the collar’ they don’t necessarily have a fever, but instead are angry or upset. Another example is the idiom that says ‘people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.’ Okay, they really shouldn’t throw stones, but it also means you shouldn’t judge others for something you do yourself.

Idioms can try the patience of those who are not familiar with them, or who aren’t native speakers of the language. This is why it is suggested when learning a new language to also learn the language conversationally, along with some common idioms. Without this knowledge you could easily be in hot water or over your head.

Many idioms, especially those from cultures other than your own, can tickle the funny bone and make it hard to keep a straight face.

In Germany, where we might say someone is living in the lap of luxury, they would say, living like a maggot in bacon. We say die laughing, but in France they prefer bang your butt on the ground. In America, if you are well suited or two peas in a pod, in Mexico you are like fingernails and dirt. Italians don’t make mountains out of molehills, they get lost in a glass of water instead. In Colombia if you have been swallowed like a postman’s sock you are hopelessly in love or head over heels. Sounds ridiculous, right? But I’m not pulling your leg, in fact, in Russia I wouldn’t be hanging noodles on your ears either.

Whether your native language is English, Spanish, Russian or Dutch, there is always a way to say what you want to say without really saying anything at all.

Golden Goodness

I made my first batch of baklava tonight. I have only ever assisted in making it before. It turned out beautifully. I took the photos in haste, but you get the idea. I can assure everyone it was very very delicious. It was so easy I think I will make it again. Perhaps at Christmas. I made it this time because Maggie studied Greece in her class and they are having a party tomorrow. She has been asking me to make it for weeks. Well, I am glad I did.

Halloween 2009

We were lax this Halloween and have only these pictures of the girls. Jon took them during the Tower trick or treat. He was taking photos for all the families who came and participated. It was lot of fun. Maggie is of course, Princess Leia and Moira is a devil. After the Tower they went trick or treating by our house. Most of the trick or treaters had already gone in, so Maggie and Mo made bank.

Then they did their yearly inventory. They dump their candy out, separate it into piles by type and write down with the amount. Then they swap and proceed to cross off what they eat and what they have traded.

Black Widow Ball

The University of Idaho women's rugby team- the Black Widows- held their own kind of ball today. Wearing formal dresses, whether they fit or not, the women played a game against rugby alumni. The event was meant as a fundraiser for the team. They were selling Black Widow T-shirts at the match. The match was held on an outdoor pitch, with the temperature lingering near 45 degrees. I can guarantee these women were cold before the match began.

I loved that not all their dresses fit and Jon even remarked that he was pretty sure a few of the dresses had made an appearance at his prom in 1990. Fantastic stuff.

Warming up by the fire

It rained all day today — long, hard rain that soaked through my sweater and ran in rivulets down my shirt. Lucky for me I have these two gutters on my chest to catch all the water. After feeling sorry for myself for not having a fireplace, or even a gas stove to warm my hands by, I decided to change the background on my computer to this:



It's not as good as the real thing, but it will do for now.

I feel antsy, pacing back and forth in my apartment, having to turn every three steps because the space is so small. Moira cheered me up a bit by telling me Jon thought I was prettier than the women on the TV. A lie, but one out of love. She could tell you your butt was bigger than an elephant's and if she said it with a smile on her face and the slight tilt of her head, you would say thank you.

Maggie has begun to develop my clumsiness. On her science in nature field trip she lost her balance and took a dive in a creek in Pullman. Jon had to drive out there with dry clothes. If we had barstools she would fall off of them.

I will post some pictures tomorrow. We are going to the UI Women's Rugby Black Widow Ball- a fundraiser where the team plays a match against alumni while wearing prom dresses. It should lend itself to some really great photos.

Screaming like girls

I took Maggie and Moira to a haunted house last night. A group of students on campus sponsor a haunted house to collect food for the local food bank. They do it in Ridenbaugh Hall, which used to be a women's dormitory, but now houses a gallery and music practice rooms. It was built in 1902 and is the oldest building on the University of Idaho campus.

We waited in line for close to half an hour to get in and the girls were disturbed that they had not seen any of the people before us exit the building. They were all jokes and laughter until we got inside. Both of the girls screamed like nothing else. Moira was practically sobbing, putting her face in my clothes to keep from seeing any of it - saying she wanted to go home now. Maggie, after her initial screaming fit, sounded like she was going to hyperventilate over the zombie bride following behind us. I am kind of a scaredy cat and I didn't think it was that bad.

Thank goodness for the end, where we found the reason no one had left the building. They were all in on the bottom floor doing cupcake walks and bean bag tosses.

Kyle and his friends went a little later, when the haunted house was supposed to get scarier and bloodier. They had a great time.

If nothing else, I am glad I got to experience this at least once. Now I want to write a short story that revolves around that building. Hmmm, we'll have to see.

The Year 3000

When Jon tried on these glasses in Claire's Maggie said in her best
deep-creepy voice:
Welcome to the year 3000.

My Opinion Folks

So, I have been getting some letters about my opinion column in the University of Idaho's student paper, The Argonaut. Apparently, people, especially those from Wikipedia, do not agree with me. I am okay with that. At least I know someone is reading them.

I am posting the link here to my last few columns so you may also choose to agree or disagree with me.

Goodwill or good profit?

Wikipedia is not a valid source

21st Century racism

Wonderful mistakes