Today was my children’s first day of school. Like most mothers, I both love and hate this time of year. I am ready for the structure of the school year, but I am also dreading it. School days mean the kids go to bed at a set time, we eat dinner together with frequency and I always know where they are during the day. It also means I can’t take a day off work and go shoe shopping with my girls or have lunch with my son, and we can’t have lazy evenings eating greasy pizza and watching old reruns late at night.

I really wish I was independently wealthy, (two years of my current salary would work too) so I could take a year or more off from work and spend all my free time doing things with or for my kids. I would be a stay-at-home mom who would pack special notes in their amazing lunches, have time to listen to everything they wanted to tell me about their day (the patience too), make new quilts for their beds, sew homemade Halloween costumes and have dinners made before 7 pm. Of course, I would also make time for myself so I could finish and sell my book in order to make even more money to stay home.

Before I know it, my oldest will graduate from high school and my daughters will soon follow. Soon I will not have the time I want to spend with them. Until I inherit a fortune from some relative no one has heard of, or I actually enter the lottery and win, I will have to squeeze as many extra seconds out of my day as possible. 

Today marks close to two decades of marriage for Jon and I—18 years and counting. Not to be confused with 18 Kids and Counting. 

I would love to say it’s all been peachy, but that would be a lie and a disservice to any single folks who are looking forward to marriage. Marriage is hard. It’s really hard. That’s not to say there aren't a lot of easy or fun parts, but it is work. 

To commemorate this hard-earned event I will share 18 things I have learned about marriage—one for each year. These are not listed in the order I learned them, or are even indicative of how well I have learned or implemented them. Let’s be honest—these are things I hope I have already, am currently, may one day or am semi-willing to learn about marriage:

1.  If it crows, it’s not always a rooster. (This is just a general guideline for all aspects of life.)

2.  No matter how many times you see them, your spouse’s feet can still gross you out.

3.  Just because you can have children doesn't mean you should. (I am not speaking to my own   

     marriage and children. This is just something I have observed about other people’s marriages. Who 

     said this list had to be all about my wedded bliss?)

4. The apple might not fall far from the tree, but it is often picked up by a Labrador retriever, chewed to 

    pieces and strewn around the yard until it no longer resembles an apple or the tree from whence it 

    fell. (This is not necessarily a bad thing.)

5. Once and a while it’s okay to admit you were wrong—even if you are 99.9 percent sure you aren't 

    wrong.

6. Don’t carry a grudge. Even if you lift with your knees, it will injure your back and your relationship.

7. It’s okay to say nothing. In fact, you can find out a lot more about a situation by closing your mouth  

    and using your other senses- even the sixth one.

8. Always be on your spouse’s side. You've got to have each other’s backs.

9. Make sacrifices for your relationship and family. It can often feel like these are enormous burdens, 

    but it usually turns out okay in the end.

10. Don’t let other’s beliefs about relationships, marriage, family or children dictate how you live your 

      life together. Only you can know what works for you.

11.  Being married doesn't mean being dull. Have fun and don’t be afraid to do things without your 

       spouse. Being together 24/7 is not good for anyone. (Even conjoined twins.)

12. Keep ‘em in the loop. Your spouse should be the first to know important information—not your 

      mom, dad, sister, brother, co-worker, dentist or barista.

13.   Be goofy. Don’t let life get too mundane and repetitive.

14.   Don’t feed each other in restaurants. Come to think of it, don’t feed each other anywhere. It’s just  
      weird and nobody wants to see that. (Unless they have some weird fetish and, if that’s the case,      
      they should at least pay you.)

15.   Do something to celebrate your milestones. You don’t have to throw a big party or spend a lot of 

       money, but if you make it a habit you are less prone to forgetting the date later when you get old 

       and Ginkgo Biloba is no longer effective for memory retention.

16.   Think before you speak. Counting to ten isn't always effective. You might need ten minutes or ten 

       days, but take what you need to avoid saying something you’ll regret.

17.   Learn when to say no and when to bow out. If it makes your spouse happy, is semi-reasonable 

       and won’t cause harm let it go. If it will contribute to the downfall of society (or just your house    

       because it attracts mice, termites and other pests) say no.

 18. It's just a movie, and you won't remember it 18 years from now anyway.

I have been reading Jenny Lawson's (The Bloggess) book Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) for the second time. I think I am enjoying it more now than when I read it originally. Lawson's book makes me want to put down in writing all the crazy stories from my childhood. Heaven knows there are more than a few. They are definitely not as unique as Lawson's experiences, but it would be great to have them for my children. 

As I have been mulling this idea over, I realize how I remember things is not going to be parallel to how other family members or friends remember things. I guess every memoir is not truly non-fiction. It is non-fiction from a single point of view, which is basically just fiction with a higher than average number of facts thrown in.

I also worry about the legal aspects of my memoir. Will people want to sue me for defamation of character? So, I looked it up and found this article from Writer's Digest. Turns out, my opinions are protected expression. The situation becomes a sticky wicket when I claim it to be fact and don't have any proof. Basically, I can't say 'my great-uncle George (I don't have an uncle George, this is just an example) once stole a whole set of fine china from Macy's Department Store so he could trade it for crack cocaine' unless I have proof (like a police report, signed confession, photographs etc). Otherwise, I open myself up to a lawsuit by my uncle George, unless he's dead- in which case his heirs can not sue me, because it's not allowed. 

Moral of the story: wait until people die to defame them in your memoir.

I have started a list of all the significant memories from my childhood I could possibly make into entertaining reading. I will get back to you when I have decided how to proceed. I might be calling up some family and friends to check my facts a bit, or get their take on things. Don't think this means you will get any kind of credit as co-author if my little collection becomes famous. Perhaps I will mention your name in the acknowledgments page if you're nice and send me emergency care packages while I am holed up writing all this stuff down.  

You can purchase Jenny Lawson's book here (it just came out in paperback).

My husband is an artist, and by definition, is a little quirky. He is very funny, but can sometimes be too serious for his own good. The other week, he voluntarily joined in with my oldest daughter Maggie to dance with XBox Kinect game Just Dance. The result? The best 3-1/2 minutes I have ever spent. Who knew he had such good moves?

Tomorrow I go back to work after a nice week and a half off. I didn't get anything truly productive done, and I am not ashamed. I spent time with my kids, read several books, slept in and cooked and baked for family and friends. I am a little disappointed my vacation is over. I don't think I am ready to get back to work. I'm not dreading it completely—I enjoy where I work and have great co-workers, but the kids still have the rest of the week off before going back to school, and I will miss having all day with them.

It does not quite feel like a new year to me yet. My husband has been gone the past five days, and this is the first new year in a very long time we have not spent together. I will feel better when he gets home tomorrow. So, I think I will start my new year tomorrow instead of today.

I am making a list (surprise, surprise) of all the things it would be nice to accomplish this year. I am not calling it a resolution—I hate that word—but a Things to Do list:

Things to Do (in continual revision and not to be confused with a resolution)

Okay, so I haven't started the list yet, but I will. Maybe the first thing on it should be:

Stop procrastinating!

I love to write and I love to read, but most of all I love a good story. Imagine how excited I was to receive a package in the mail the other day that paid homage to Flat Stanley. If you don't know who Flat Stanley is, than you are missing out.

Flat Stanley is the main character in a series of books by the same name. Author Jeff Brown writes about an ordinary boy who gets flattened when a bulletin board falls on him. This new shape allows Stanley to travel the world in an envelope (and much more). (Okay, I know this sounds super violent and awful, but I swear it isnt.)

My niece, Eliza, read this book at school and her class decided to join the Flat Stanley Project. Students make a flat version of themselves and send it to someone by mail. The recipient then takes care of the flat student for a week or so and takes it with them to places in their town. Eliza sent me her flat self. I was so excited. Thoughts rushed at me about all the things Flat Eliza and I could do together. Granted, my little corner of Idaho may not be as magical and alluring as perhaps New York, or even Seattle, but I think Flat Eliza and I will have some pretty awesome adventures.

So, this begins the Flat Eliza Travels to Moscow (Idaho) blog series. I hope you enjoy this adventure with us.

There is even a Flat Stanley mobile app if you want to be really cool!!!

My grandfather passed away last night. Grandpa Brown was my mother's dad. He was an intelligent, artistic, loving and kind man. Of course, there are not enough positive adjectives to show his true character. When I was young he smelled like pipe tobacco and awed me with his crossword puzzle abilities. He was at once imposing and fascinating. He built airplanes and wooden yo-yos and volunteered at the hospital.

I have a lot of memories of my grandfather, some of them were borrowed from my mother, but they are all still mine to keep.

There are four girls and one boy (the youngest) in my mom's family. For quite a while it was just girls. My mom used to tell us how her dad would help get them ready for school by brushing their hair and putting it into pigtails. She always recanted, with much drama, how he would brush their hair so hard their heads would ache and then proceed to pull it into the tightest circle possible, leaving them with mini-facelifts and almond-shaped eyes.

I was lucky enough to spend some summer time with my grandparents when I was young. My grandpa made the best breakfasts. He would fix silver dollar pancakes and sausage links. I had never had pancakes that small before. He sat at the breakfast table with a cup of coffee and the morning paper- then proceed to his chair in the living room with the crossword puzzle.

I always gravitated toward his shop in the garage. It smelled so good. Shavings and saw dust from several different types of wood gave it a great perfume. My grandpa wasn't always building cabinets or making multicolored vases. Sometimes he sat in his shop watching the news or a baseball game on his small black and white TV, and I imagine he was enjoying the smell too.

One summer he flew me home in the plane he had built. I thought he was the coolest man in the world. I still do.

One of my favorite memories is of my grandpa sitting in a chair at my mom's house with my youngest daughter on his lap. I think she was around two-years-old. He was reading her a Christmas book and she looked up at him just like I had at her age- with wonderment and love.

I didn't get to see my grandfather much in the last ten years. He and my grandmother moved to Oklahoma, which always seemed worlds away. Two years ago I drove with my mom and aunt from California to Oklahoma to visit. I was surprised at how much older my grandpa looked, while still looking the same. Does that make sense? He didn't get around as well as he used to, but you could still find him in a favorite chair with a thriller/suspense novel and his quick wit and wonderful sense of humor were never lacking.

Although my kids didn't get to know him as well as I would have liked, they were lucky enough to spend some time with him and through stories from myself and my mother, they were surrounded by him in spirit. His passing makes me very sad, but I am so grateful to have known him. I will not forget him, and I will not let my children forget him either.


**If anyone has any other pictures they would like to share, please email them to me and I will add them to this post.

I know, astonishing right? Who would have thought they would have prostitutes in a Mexican resort town. Okay, so I am misconstruing a bit. The prostitutes, 19 of them, along with some peacocks, plasma TVs, fighting cocks and marijuana (big surprise there), were confiscated from a Mexican prison in Acapulco. The authorities are not saying how they got there, but they did make sure to add a disclaimer that the peacocks were pets. It was almost as if they were making sure no one thought the peacocks had anything to do with what the prostitutes were doing there, if you catch my drift. Makes you wonder what their excuse was for the roosters and the marijuana.

My life is not nearly as exciting, or as richly furnished, as a Mexican prison. I wouldn't say I am wholly disappointed, but who doesn't want a peacock? It makes me think back to a trip we took with my parents to Peterson Rock Garden in Oregon. There were peacocks roaming the grounds, pretty colorful ones and a few white ones. They were kind of scary though- they looked like they were ready to charge at the drop of a hat or a running child, as it were.

That memory makes me think of my parents, which makes me think of my mom and her blog, which makes me think of my dad who was featured in her blog, which makes me wonder how he still has all his limbs, which makes me think about what I would do if I lost my arms, which makes me think about how I don't do anything that might remove my arms from my body, which then reminds me of what a boring life I lead.

This is a Kardashian, not a prostitute, but it's what I imagine glamorous prostitutes look like (kind of like Pretty Woman).

You can read the whole story (the one about the prison, not the one about my boring life- that one is right here in this blog) here:

Peacocks, prostitutes found in Mexico prison

Jon's mom is an avid genealogist and has found out some pretty interesting things about their ancestors. A few years ago she discovered they are related to the man who was the first "Governor for Life" of Virginia — appointed by King James I. Delaware and several landmarks were named after him.
Jon bears an uncanny resemblance to Thomas West, Third Baron of De la Warr. Okay, I'll admit, only one of the pictures is uncanny, the other just shows the Harty nose, neigh, the West nose.

Thanks, Jeanette for this fun find.

Okay, so I have to add that after looking into De la Warr a little more I found that he initiated the first Anglo-Powhatan War after instructions by the London Virginia Company to kidnap Native American children and murder the Iniocasoockes, the cultural leaders of the Powhatan. It is all very interesting and a little gruesome. To read more on the subject you can visit the encyclopedia site Nation Master.

With the advent of the New Year people everywhere are making resolutions. I've noticed the majority of resolutions are to encourage people to do things like lose weight, become organized, find a new job, go back to school or finish that great American novel they started.
I think this year instead of a resolution of what to do I will make a resolution not to do certain things.
So here is my list of things I resolve not to do in 2010.
I resolve not to:
1. Give in to the '80s trend and wear leg warmers.
2. Watch any of the Twilight movies.
3. Use non-stick pans.
4. Look at the nutritional value of my favorite cookies before I eat.
5. Watch commercials (unless they are extremely funny).
6. Update my Facebook obsessivly every two minutes from my phone.
7. Ask my husband how his day was when I already know the answer (bad).
8. Set up a Twitter account.
9. Scream obscenities at the basketball refs during the UI games.
10. End any sentences with prepositions.
11. Stress bake.
12. Buy cereal that I wouldn't even eat if I was a health nut.
13. Find amusement in other's misery (there may be some exceptions).
14. Write columns about family members (unless I can conceal their identity so thoroughly even I don't recognize them).
15. Buy anything from a late night infomercial (which I won't see anyway because I'm not watching commercials anyway).
16. Attend beginning band concerts without ear plugs.
17. Help my daughter with homework until I have taken a mild sedative.
18. Spend more on fast food than on produce.

...to be continued...

We would like to wish all our family and friends a very Merry Christmas and the very best of the New Year. Here's hoping you all are happy and healthy.

We love you,

The Harty Family

Jon, Erin, Kyle, Maggie and Moira

What to expect this holiday season

The holiday season is upon us, and with it comes all kinds of, well, let’s call them side effects. There is a commercial on TV right now meant to promote a certain sleep aid drug. The commercial is funny at times, a little sad at others and ends on a high note, with everyone happy. This is what I imagine a commercial for the holiday season might be like, complete with the very long list of common side effects. Modifying the list from the commercial slightly, I have put together my own list of holiday side effects, divided by event, that may be experienced by more than 1 percent of the population.

Holiday meals

Daytime drowsiness — This side effect is also known as turkey fatigue. It may also be a very good excuse to get away from your houseguests for short amounts of time.

Binge eating — This is by far the most common side effect of the holidays. This may be more pronounced if you are feeling another side effect of the holidays (see depression).

Nausea — Most noticeable after unbuttoning your pants to accommodate the extra intake of food, just to realize your pants are not large enough, and you may have to change into sweats.

Constipation — This most commonly occurs after eating too many sweets and not partaking of the roughage available on the buffet table. These might include ants on a log, carrot salad and any mixture of roasted nuts (preferably the good kind without all the peanuts).

Self-loathing — This usually occurs several hours after the meal and is most often accompanied by the covering of all the mirrors in the house until the holidays are over.

Heartburn — Enough said.

Family get-togethers

Difficulty with coordination and slurred speech — These two commonly go hand in hand and may be experienced after a few glasses of wine, overindulging in the eggnog or even eating too many of Aunt Louise’s rum balls.

Anxiety — Can accompany holiday get-togethers where any family is present, but is most common with in-laws, parents of your girlfriend or boyfriend and just knowing you will have to converse with your twice-removed uncle who leaves his shirt unbuttoned to his navel.

Confusion — Usually brought on by the large amount of family members you don’t remember ever meeting, but they all seem to remember all the most embarrassing times of your childhood.

Fatigue — Muscles around your mouth may begin to twitch, and you may experience the need to lie down and sleep for long periods of time. Resist this behavior and continue to smile.

Depression — While this side effect can be found in any category, it is most pronounced at family get-togethers, where you may be forced to sit at the kids’ table, even after your 21st birthday, because your emotionally sensitive cousin Lulu brought her on-again, off-again boyfriend, leaving no room at the adult table.

Vision changes — Either induced by unshed tears of overwhelming holiday spirit, or the tears of boredom after hearing Uncle Ernie retell the story of losing the tips of both his pinkie fingers 20 years ago.

Religious and church celebrations

Memory problems — Occurs most often after the priest, rabbi, pastor, etc. approaches you and asks, “When is the last time you attended a service?”

Muscle pain — Being the holidays, you have probably not had the opportunity or motivation to go to the gym, which is why this side effect is most common during religious celebrations where you may be required to get on and off your knees continually and shake hands with neighbors.

Disorientation — This is seen in people who attend services only during the holidays, often with long periods of time in between. Upon entering the church, you may become confused, unsure if you are actually in the right place.

Hallucinations — Refer to Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.”

Other side effects may include, but are not limited to: dizziness, headaches, strange behavior, loneliness, a temptation to change your name and leave no forwarding address, severe overreaction, envy and feelings of inadequacy.

The holiday season is meant to bring cheer and joy. The side effects above are not permanent. If they should occur, take deep breaths, put a smile on your face and wait it out. It only lasts a few short weeks. 

The Vandal Marching Band performs Thriller by Michael Jackson during half-time.

We've been pretty busy these past few weeks and finally have a quiet weekend to ourselves. Football started here at the University of Idaho and our Vandals have decided to surprise everyone by winning some games. We are now 3-1.

Maggie and Moira went to the first home game with us. It was a lot of fun with the exception of the man who walked into the women's restroom to pee in a stall with the door open while Maggie was in line. I am going to assume he was intoxicated, otherwise it really lowers my already dubious attitude toward certain students of the Greek variety.

Speaking of drunk, universities around the U.S. have decided to hold tournaments for beer pong. That's right folks, beer pong. Just recently they held one at Washington State University— just over the state line. I myself am still a little unsure of what the point and rules of the game are, but I think I would rather stay in the dark. Wal-Mart, however, must have got wind of the idea because they are now catering to drunken college students and their beer pong sport by placing the ping-pong balls strategically next to the red beer cups.

Enough about that. We also went to the fair. The fair here is free, it really only takes up about half of a city block, but it is still fun. I mean, there were elephant ears, so how could it not be fun? I went on a ride with the kids and felt the need to vomit pretty much the whole time we were there. The kids loved the rides, but my favorite part are the animals. This year, we found a bouffant-haired chicken. She looked like a prize winner to me.

I took all these photos with my new iPhone. While the picture quality isn't that great, I love that I can take pictures everywhere I go and post them there for your enjoyment. Any requests?

Thank you Kelcie for finding a website all about Nerts and its rules. Here is the link for anyone interested in this great game.

NERTS

***First I want to point out- the camera adds 40 pounds and Mom- I am sorry, but in the other picture you looked as though you were going to murder someone.  


It was so nice to visit my grandparents in Enid.  I also got to see my Aunt Kathy and Uncle Carlos who live in Olathe, Kansas.  We spent time visiting, relaxing and reading and going through old pictures.  It was really a nice time.  

I must admit I was very excited at the prospect of visiting their tornado shelter in the garage.  Luckily it was not tornado season quite yet while we were there, but regardless, I made my mom and aunt do a reenactment of what it may look like if a storm hit.

  

We also got a chance to visit the local grocery store, which is my mother's favorite thing to do.  The store, Jumbos, offered many exciting things- some of which included a 6lb. container of Peter Pan peanut butter (Jon's favorite) and Frog Leg Fridays.

     

My aunt and uncle:

  

And finally, my grandparents.   Pictures of them now and when they were younger.

 

  

In Portland for Spring Break we got the chance to visit Saturday Market. (one of our favorite places to go.)  Moira pointed out several times though, it can't be Saturday Market if we are going on Sunday.  

For the first time in years we encountered an old friend at the market- Elvis.  Elvis has been a staple in Portland for many years.  When we first met Elvis he played a rubber guitar and wore a Mickey Mouse t-shirt. ***  This visit he was dressed up in his black, bedazzled jump suit playing an actual guitar.  Albeit, he only played one chord and the words to the songs were sometimes mumbled and incoherent.  

Maggie got the chance to sing the chorus to one song.  Our friend Tony told us the story of the one time when Elvis went missing.  Everyone in Portland was in an uproar.  It was reported in The Oregonian and people were worried.  He turned up a week later- turns out he went to Disneyland.  

We made sure to fill Elvis' jar with some bills and he then sidled up to Tony, put his arm around him and told him, "You know I do parties too, right?"

Awww, Elvis!!!

***when we get home I will post pictures of our first Elvis encounter.

Some of you may have noticed that I have decided to pimp out my blog to Google, so that I could supposedly make revenue off of their "blog relevant" ads. Some of you may also have noticed that the only ads I seem to get featured on my blog have to do with alcohol and drug rehab programs.

I am still trying to figure this one out. I have it narrowed down to two things. First, the fact that one of my blog titles is Intervention, and secondly, that anyone who reads my blog in the first place has to either be slightly drunk, or a little high.

Anyways, if any of you are really in need of any of the "relevant" ads on my blog, I actually would rather not know (plus, I can probably guess who you are anyway.) :)

Well we have finally settled in enough to go camping. So this last week we ventured towards Elk River and the Resevoir to camp. There is a nice little camping spot there right on the water. We swam and fished, and had s'mores. It was a lot of fun, but the kids are exhausting. Jon and I went fishing, and Jon caught 4 fish right in a row. I caught one the first day and one the second. I was so excited, even though the fish weren't real big. The kids loved the water, but not the mosquitos. Maggie claims that she has 36 bites and Kyle has 29. The rest of us escaped with just a few.

Pictures will come later!!!!

On one of our first sunny days in a long time we all went down to the park and took some pictures, soaked up some sunshine and had some fun.