This is not my actual favorite toilet (it would be weird for me to be caught taking a picture of my real favorite toilet), but this one is a good representation.

I don’t like using public restrooms. It’s something I got from my mom and from my inability to tell a men’s restroom from a women’s restroom—that is a different post.

Anyway, this dislike of public restrooms becomes a problem when you work in a public building and have to share the bathroom with an entire floor of offices. I have become a little hyper vigilant about my bathroom rituals now. I have rules for my restroom use:

   1.      Only use the first stall in the restroom.

I once read in a magazine that this is usually the cleanest, as most people tend to want to go to the bathroom further from the front door. Even as I am writing this I realize this is probably not the case any longer because hundreds of thousands of people read the same article I did and are most likely now using the first stall. I am going to have to rethink this whole rule now.

    2.       Use more than one toilet seat cover.

One is most definitely not enough. The slightest breeze from the overhead air intake is enough to send the cover floating into the toilet water or move it slightly off-kilter. Using multiple toilet seat covers adds weight and more assurance there will be no part of the toilet seat uncovered when you begin to urinate.

   3.       Find a stall with railings on the walls. (In my work bathroom, this is the first stall.)

Railings give you something to hold on to as you hover inches above the toilet seat.

   4.       Never actually sit down on the toilet—even with multiple toilet seat covers. (See rule #3)

You really don’t know what’s on that seat (especially since you now know everyone in the entire building uses this toilet in this stall because of a magazine article they read).

   5.       Dress appropriately.

Don’t put bulky things in your pockets (that could fall out) or wear clothing that is too long and risks touching the toilet seat or, heaven forbid, falling into the toilet.

   6.       Do not use the public restroom for anything other than peeing.

If you have to do #2 at work, you need to hold it and start to adjust your “schedule”. Try taking more fiber before bed or doing squats as soon as you get up so you can use your own bathroom in your own home.

   7.       If possible, use the automatic door opener—the one with the blue handicap sign on it. (Fear of public toilets is most definitely a handicap.

Make sure to use a clean piece of paper towel to avoid touching the germy door.

   8.      Always follow up with hand sanitizer.

   9.       Don’t tell anyone about your rules.

You will sound crazy.

Update: I found this article, plus many more on using the first bathroom stall. The article says things like:

But the toilet seat is actually the cleanest part of the bathroom, one expert says.   ( I don't' believe it.)

AND

The middle stall of a public restroom usually has the most bacteria because people use it the most. "I guess people like company," Gerba said. The first stall will probably be cleaner.  (Thanks, now everyone knows.)

Tomorrow I go back to work after a nice week and a half off. I didn't get anything truly productive done, and I am not ashamed. I spent time with my kids, read several books, slept in and cooked and baked for family and friends. I am a little disappointed my vacation is over. I don't think I am ready to get back to work. I'm not dreading it completely—I enjoy where I work and have great co-workers, but the kids still have the rest of the week off before going back to school, and I will miss having all day with them.

It does not quite feel like a new year to me yet. My husband has been gone the past five days, and this is the first new year in a very long time we have not spent together. I will feel better when he gets home tomorrow. So, I think I will start my new year tomorrow instead of today.

I am making a list (surprise, surprise) of all the things it would be nice to accomplish this year. I am not calling it a resolution—I hate that word—but a Things to Do list:

Things to Do (in continual revision and not to be confused with a resolution)

Okay, so I haven't started the list yet, but I will. Maybe the first thing on it should be:

Stop procrastinating!

I am getting more excited for Halloween by the minute. I have been mulling over my costume, our decorations and what to serve to our guests. I have been talking about it at work constantly, and I have decked out my bulletin board and even up-cycled a tissue box to hold candy.

During all of this talk, one of my co-workers sent an email with this link:  http://www.ohio.edu/orgs/stars/Home.html

Our office is very culturally-aware and people are very concerned about not making others feel uncomfortable or targeted. (This is why I had to get approval before I posted the following poster: https://www.oma.org/Resources/Documents/Snot.pdf)

After looking at the posters from the Ohio website, another of my co-workers (she is from Taiwan) said she is not offended when people dress up as an Asian stereotype. She said, to her, they can often be viewed as historical references. (kind of like the Geisha costume in one of the posters).  We began discussing stereotypes and decided she should dress as a stereotype for Halloween. We discussed how she could be a tourist with a Hawaiian shirt, a big camera and a sun hat. I laughed so hard, and I really hope she does it. It will drive a lot of people nuts.

It got me thinking about all the costumes that depict a stereotype. I think a lot of the time people don’t view it as something negative, especially if they don’t know a lot about that culture or ethnicity. On the flip side- I do think there are some people who will be offended by anything, and it wouldn’t matter how innocent it was because they would find something about it that is offensive to some degree.

I am sure, at one time or another, I dressed up (or will dress up) in a costume that offends someone. I’m not saying I have, or will, dress in a way that is racist or culturally insensitive, but I am kind of an offensive person so it is only a matter of time before someone dumps a bucket of pig’s blood on me or chases me out of town with pitchforks.

What are you wearing this Halloween?

What kind of costumes do you think used to be okay to wear, but are now viewed as unacceptable?

I was sitting in a meeting this morning (I sound super grown up) when my mind started to wander and I was only catching a phrase here and there. (Not so grown up- more like a teenager in math class.)
I was hearing things like "They have to be receptive to what we're sharing." and "You should absorb them, or try to absorb them."

Out of context, these phrases sound oddly like those of missionaries trying to bring you into the fold, but in this case, the fold is a major cult. This got me thinking about cults. One of my co-workers said she heard a statistic that said 2/3 (I think I may have misheard this- really, 2/3?) of the population have been members of a cult at one time or another.

My thinking is that most people who get involved with cults are targeted because they are searching for something, or feel they have deficiencies that only certain types of people can accept. One person's cult is another's religion, or lifestyle choice.

Have you ever been a member of a cult, or thought about it. Have you ever "absorbed" people into your cult, or looked for people who were "receptive" to what you were sharing?

Deep questions for a Thursday.

We had a snow pool at work- and no, unfortunately, it is not actually a pool with snow in it. Although, the thought did cross my mind before it rummaged around and found the real explanation.

I was looking for a picture of snow in kiddie pool and I found baby elephants in a kiddie pool. Much better!

You could pay a quarter for each guess you made on what day the first snow would fall. There were rules as to how many guesses you could make, etc. On Friday, as I was getting to work there was something resembling tiny snowflakes, but it was more like rain than snow. It lasted an hour and then was just cold and a little damp outside the rest of the day. This was called as the "first snow" by the snow pool organizer.

There were so many unhappy people in the office, and a lot of argument over what constitutes snow and whether it was fair to have a winner since there wasn't any on the ground. There was a lot of discussion, wasting a lot of time, and I'm convinced it was merely done to avoid work.

All of this is leading somewhere, I promise. I was warming up my lunch at work after the "snowfall" and one of my co-workers came in to get his lunch from the fridge. He then stood in the kitchen, removed his black work shoes, pulled a pair of snow pants out of a bag and put them over his slacks and then pulled on some heavy-duty hiking shoes. I looked at him, oddly I'm sure, and he explained he was walking over to Ferdinand's for ice cream. Ferdinand's is about a three to five minute walk from our office. There was no snow on the ground, it was barely damp and it wasn't even very cold. I'm still a little confused.

This co-worker seems to do this to me sometimes. Just when I think I have figured him out he goes and pulls snow pants out of his bag. It does make for an interesting work day. I never know what he will say or do next. It's kind of exciting. Perhaps, I should keep a little notebook of his eccentricities and share them here with you. Then it will be as though you were all at work with me- making spreadsheets and editing training manuals.

Jon and I have tickets for They Might Be Giants next month. We are so excited to see them in concert again. To get ready, I have been listening to some of my favorite Giant albums. I’ve discovered several lines in those songs I could apply to situations in everyday life.

At work:

“Telephone for Mr. Horrible”
“Someone keeps moving my chair.”
“I’d be fired if that were my job.”

The economy:

“If I was smart, I’d save up for a piece of string and a rock to wind the string around.”

Love life/Dating:

“What’s he like? It’s not important.”
“I could shake my tiny fist and I swear I wasn’t wrong, but what’s the sense in arguing when you’re all alone?”

History:

“Now it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople.”
“Even old New York was once New Amsterdam.”

Self-confidence:

“Be what you’re like. Be like yourself.”

If you haven’t listened to They Might Be Giants before, you should now. They are amazing, and they have produced a number of children’s albums as well. My favorite- No!

Follow this link to see their site: They Might Be Giants

I realized this week how easy it is to get so used to the way we do things that deviating from that, even necessarily, can seem impossible. I was reminded of this by my youngest daughter. Yesterday was her day to clean the kitchen. The kids are on summer break for a few more months and we have given them more and more responsibility as the summer has progressed. Moira was in charge of unloading and loading the dishwasher and doing general cleaning of the entire kitchen. I must add here that Jon did tell them if they were in charge of the kitchen for the day, they got to choose what to watch on TV. This may have contributed to Moira's fast thinking during her chores.

We have almost always had a dishwasher. There were a few years where we didn't and, to be honest, we ate mostly on paper plates. We buy the detergent that comes in a compressed tablet. Usually the kind with the red ball in the middle. I have no idea what the red ball is supposed to do, but if it's there, then it must be special, right? In any case, it's easy to add soap to the dishwasher -- just unwrap the little package and throw it in. We have been out of soap tablets for a few days, and we are using powdered dishwashing detergent in a bright green box -- something I think my sister-in-law left when she moved into a place with no dishwasher. The box is hard to miss and it sits right on top of the dishwasher, a little below eye level on an 11-year-old.

It is so ingrained in Mo that you use the little tablets, that it didn't occur to her there was any other way to run the dishwasher. She didn't want to leave it undone because then she wouldn't be able to watch TV. So... you may have guessed by now that she used liquid dish soap. When I first got home from work, it wasn't apparent what had happened. I opened the dishwasher to get something and noticed bubbles on the bottom. Not a lot. I first thought the dishwasher had not finished it's cycle (it happens sometimes when it is opened prematurely). I started a rinse cycle and not two minutes later bubbles were pouring out of the bottom of the dishwasher and onto the floor. The inside filled with bubbles and after four rinse cycles, it was still a little soapy.

Moira never even saw the box that said "Dishwasher Detergent" in silver. Her mind went directly to the liquid soap, because it seemed the quickest way to get something she wanted -- what she saw as the only option.

I feel like this sometimes. The kids start school again soon and I have to work. I won't be there to see them off to school ( I leave for work shortly after they get up). This is the first year I won't be able to do this. I wouldn't be so upset about it, but Jon won't be there either. I know they are growing up and able to do it themselves, but I am so used to doing it this way, that it seems impossible to do it any other way. I could take a shortcut and arrive late at work, but that isn't really an option. The answer is right in front of my face, but I am so unused to this scenario that I am blind to it.

I need to let them do it for themselves.

Just typing that sentence hurts. All I can think is why did I have to stop working from home? If I hadn't needed to get out of the house so badly I could be there for them. It seems so silly. They are the reason I got a job outside the house, yet this job is the reason I can't be there for them. Crazy how that works, huh? I guess we all reach for the liquid detergent every once in a while.

Jon and I were talking today about the idea of "work wives" and "work husbands". You know what I'm talking about. They are the person at work who you interact with as you might your spouse — taking or giving orders, writing a "honey do" list, finding yourself unreasonably irritated by their habits. During this conversation I remembered a commercial I had seen for an upcoming reality TV show.

This show, on the same channel as "Kate Plus 8 Minus 1 Because He Cheated," is called "Sister Wives." I told Jon about it and then this led to him telling me he had acquired a "work wife" without asking for one. (Kind of like Jeff on "Chuck" when he says that all of his relationships with women have been without their knowledge, but the other way around.) 

I decided that Jon's "work wife" and I could never be sister wives. She might just drive me crazy. To the point of inflicting harm on myself. This, in turn, would cause a problem for Jon. The police would have to come investigate and during the investigation would find out Jon was a polygamist and he would get arrested and his other wife and their 20 children would be all alone with no one to care for them until someone named Josiah from the colony across the street came and took them in. Jon would get out of jail to find his remaining wife and kids gone and he would have to find more wives, and it would just be a mess. 

Needless to say, Jon won't be taking another wife anytime soon, especially if it's his "work wife."

P.S. Did you know that some polygamist wives have a blog that tells the "happy" side of polygamy?

It's hot today. Don't get me wrong, after all the rain I am happy for weather in the 70s. The problem is the house feels like 90 degrees. Our front room doesn't have windows that actually open. Instead they act like giant magnifying glasses in the afternoon sun, cooking everything that even crosses their sunny paths. I'm serious, I think if I put a plate of hotdogs on the arm of my chair and waited until 1 pm, I could have a roasted weenie. Either that or one of the kids would have eaten them way before the sun started to turn the metal stands of the living room lamps into branding irons.

I have a ton of work to get done today. Working from home isn't all it's cracked up to be when the kids are out of school. I hate having to attempt to get extra work done in anticipation of not being able to work. It completely de-motivates me. Maybe I should make up one of those de-motivational posters for my wall.

My son has surgery scheduled for tomorrow so they can work on his leg and save him from casually breaking his fibula as he walks down the street. The hospital where the surgery takes place is almost two hours away yet they scheduled his check-in for 6 a.m. — so nice of them to remember we are early birds.

I just realized what a random bunch of facts and stories this post is turning out to be. In order to prevent any further rambling, I am going to attempt to work (for real).

Today I found myself walking between interviews and classrooms with a Pokemon pedometer attached to my pocket. It sounds a lot less pathetic than it actually is. My son bought a new game for his Nintendo DSi. It is a Pokemon game that encourages kids to walk by including a pedometer that trains your Pokemon based on the number of steps you take.

So, my son thought it would be a good idea to let me train his Pokemon since I walk just about everywhere. And I agreed. Either I am an incredibly supportive and wonderful mother or I am a big huge sucker. I think it's the latter. Now my son gets to make his mom look like a dork and gain points for his game all at the same time.

What was I thinking?  On a more positive note, I have already walked 8,000 steps and my day has just started. Go mom!!!!

****Side note: I think I may begin referring to myself as a personal trainer. I don't have to mention I'm a trainer of Pokemon.