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The Backward Life

“The road to hell is paved with works-in-progress.” —Philip Roth

Envy Rears Its Ugly Heady

By 1:05 PM , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I think I'm turning into one of those people who wants others to be unhappy, or at least not as happy as themselves. I have no soul.

One of my co-workers, who is in her early to mid 20s, single with a steady boyfriend, recently put in an offer on a house. The offer was accepted and they are just now going through the process of inspection and all that comes with buying a property. I am green with envy and found myself hoping (in a very small way) that the owners would turn down the offer, and then that the house wouldn't pass inspection and it would be too expensive a project for her to pursue. I am a terrible person. In the end, it looks like it's all working out for her. Yay her!

Jon has been trying to get me to commit for the last several years to buying a house here in North Idaho, but I have been very resistant. We are somewhat transient as Jon finishes his Master's program and I honestly don't know if I want to stick around. For that matter, it may not even be a question of wanting to stay as much as it is going where the jobs are. I do not want to be left with a house I can't sell and have to rent and maintain from a distance. I know Jon sees the logic in this and I, in my infinite wisdom, am always right. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to be settled.

I am so ready for Jon's program to be finished and for us to hopefully find a permanent position somewhere. I had thought I would be terribly picky about where we ended up, but I am to the point where I just want to be stationary again. Of course it wouldn't hurt to be stationary in a place with little to no snow, good schools, nearby shopping and great job opportunities for me.

Our lives will eventually get back to normal, but it has not been easy these past few years. Don't get the wrong impression--I would do it all over again if need be. I just really hope that is not necessary.

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  1. Interesting how life hands us these conundrums. I can tell you are itching for the next step, the next challenge. And , yes, it will be here soon enough. In the meantime, it really is perfectly okay to plan and dream about what it will be. Research options. I assume Jon's program will result in employment? Are job opportunities limited for him or are his skills transferable to many places? I remember when we were in a similar place - wanting to leave Silicon Valley and settle somewhere more bucolic. It took two years for the stars to line up correctly and, during that time, we researched and dreamed. It paid off. :)